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Twinkle Twinkle little Star...

Twinkle Twinkle little Star
Up in Heaven is where you are.
Flying high and twinkling bright,
my guiding start, my shining light.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
My perfect Angel ...is who you are.

Well, this post seems a little out of place considering I never announced on here that we were expecting. SURPRISE ... We found out at the end of July that we were expecting and that the baby was due on April 6th, which is Deckers birthday! They would have been 2 years apart. I was a little anxious about having them so close together! -- BUT super excited!



The pregnancy was seemingly perfect... I had a fair amount of morning sickness (which is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy)... at the first 2 appointments we heard a good, healthy strong heartbeat and the baby was already active and moving around. He/she was perfect. At my 10 week appointment my OB said we looked good and that we were "in the clear" so to speak. . .



October 4 we had our 14 week appointment and were super excited because we would get to find out the gender... but holy cow we came out with entirely different feeling. When he started to do the ultrasound and he said "I am just having a hard time finding the heartbeat" - my heart sank and I knew right then that we had lost our sweet baby. My emotions were all over the place and I just kept asking/thinking "why"... My OB suggested I have a D and C-- which we scheduled for Thursday (October 5) at 10 am and they told us to plan on being there for about 2 hours. Well- we were there about 5 hours... I was bleeding more than they had anticipated and they wanted to make sure everything was okay before they sent me home.

Stuart gave me an amazing blessing that has given me so much peace and comfort that I am doing really well. I am still in some pain but emotionally I am doing okay. I have to say that I KNOW that this was because of how much love and support we have been shown. I have felt every prayer on my behalf and have appreciated every text, phone call, meal and all the flowers. To know that I have so much love and support helps me cope more than anyone can imagine. To merely say "thank you" does not cover how grateful I am for the help I have received over the last couple of days- I am blessed beyond comprehension.  It was a HUGE tender mercy that my mom and dad were in town this week to help with the kids and help me...

Oh how I wish I could have carried that sweet baby to term and delivered him/her and raised them with my two little boys. Knowing that I have 2 angel babies is a blessing to me to know... those two sweet spirits have each other to keep each other company and can look down on us and laugh with us and cry with us... Carter is having a little bit of hard time understanding why the baby died, and we have been talking to him about that and helping him to understand.

One day all of this will make sense!

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